One of my favorite things about being a teacher has to be listening to the hilarious things that the students say. Here are some of the gems I've heard lately:
Boy - "Mrs. K, is your favorite singer Lil' Wayne?"
Me - "Thank you, Table 1, for following the directions so quickly."
Table 1 (in unison)- "Represent!!!"
Girl (from a class across the hall that I subbed for a week prior) to a friend who was about to enter the class I was subbing for that day) - "Oooh... you better watch out! Your guys' sub is sooo meeeaan!!
Librarian - "What is something you should always remember to bring to the library?"
Boy - "Your 6-inch voices?"
Girl to Boy - "He [referring to another student] totally just farted on your chair."
Boy - "Did you see how I just started belly dancing?"
Boy - "I regret what I did to my friend. I am so sorry. I promise I will never pants anyone ever again as long as I live!"
Boy - "Well, the idea I had for my story was a boy wants to be just like his dad, the king, who was also a knight. The only problem is that he doesn't have a leg so he can't really do anything very well... like jousting"
Me- "Oh... well... is there going to be an accident or something where he hurt his leg?"
Boy - "No, he was just born that way."
Boy - "I dedicate this book to my friends and family and Oprah and Lil Wayne."
While doing an activity about proper and common nouns:
Me - "Write 4 places you'd like to visit on the lines below..."
Boy - "Jersey Shore!"
Me - "List 4 people you admire..."
Boy - "Shakira!!"
During a presentation on substance abuse (smoking, drinking, inhalants - like sniffing glue - etc.) given by the police liaison:
Officer - "...So you just look for the words toxic or non-toxic on the container. If it says toxic the fumes are harmful to your health and can kill your brain cells. If it says non-toxic it isn't harmful."
Girl - "Ok. Well, what about my hand sanitizer?" (holds up a pocket-bac from Bath and Body Works)
Officer - "That's probably ok to smell a little bit, like when you put it on your hands, but you probably shouldn't be breathing it in right from the bottle all the time."
Girl - (eyes wide, looking very concerned) "Oh... Ok."
Officer - "Any other questions?"
Boy - "What about scratch-and-sniff stickers?"
This one was an answer written by one of my students on his homework assignment in response to the following question: Why do we see different constellations in the night sky during the spring than we do in the fall?
"I.D.K. I forgot to bring home the science stuff."